About This Episode
In this new captivating episode of Brilliant Thoughts with Tristan Ahumada, we have the pleasure of hosting Amy Wong, an extraordinary author with a book that will leave a lasting impact on your life. In this episode, Tristan Ahumada engages in a thought-provoking conversation with Amy Wong, delving into the realms of connection, self-love, and acceptance. Join us as we explore the key elements that contribute to building meaningful relationships in a technology-driven world.
Matching Backgrounds and First Impressions
Tristan and Amy kick off the conversation with a lighthearted observation about their matching backgrounds. They ponder the significance of matching shirts, hats, and even backgrounds in our lives. Amy points out that first impressions are crucial, and in her work on communication, she emphasizes the importance of understanding how our backgrounds communicate our experiences.
The Power of Choice
Amy Wong, author of the book "Living On Purpose: Five Deliberate Choices to Realize Fulfillment and Joy," shares her perspective on the power of choice in shaping our lives. She emphasizes the importance of knowing who we are not in order to claim our authentic selves. Amy believes that understanding what we don't want allows us to make informed choices about who we want to become.
The Power of Transformational Books
Tristan, curious to know about Amy's recent inspiring read, asks her to share a book that stood out to her. Amy mentions "The Myth of Normal" by Gabor Maté, praising the book for its ability to bring awareness to the deep understanding of trauma and its impact on our overall health. She highlights how the book emphasizes that illness is not simply something that happens to us but is a process influenced by unresolved traumas within our bodies.
Unveiling the Missing Link in Connection
Tristan shifts the focus to the concept of feeling more connected to the people around us. He wonders if it's solely a matter of being present and disconnecting from technology or if there's something more profound at play. Amy articulates a two-fold answer, acknowledging the significance of being present and avoiding distractions caused by technology. Additionally, she emphasizes the essential role of self-love and self-acceptance in establishing genuine connections. Amy asserts that one must first connect with oneself before fostering connections with others.
The Journey to Self-Love and Acceptance
Delving deeper into the topic, Tristan reflects on the importance of forgiveness and self-acceptance. He asks how one can develop self-love while struggling with negative self-talk. Amy begins by explaining that, from a young age, individuals adopt false limiting beliefs about themselves as a means of coping with perceived rejection. She emphasizes that young children, with their underdeveloped brains, perceive themselves as whole and complete until certain events trigger a sense of inadequacy. These early imprints shape the way we view ourselves and can lead to negative self-talk and self-criticism.
Breaking the Cycle of Negative Self-Talk
Amy further elaborates on the impact of rejection and explains how the brain treats rejection as a threat to our safety. She emphasizes that the brain cannot distinguish between social threats and environmental threats, leading to the development of negative self-beliefs. Over time, this inner dialogue becomes habitual, and individuals find themselves berating themselves without understanding the root cause. Amy proposes that by understanding these imprints and their connection to safety mechanisms, we can start the journey towards self-love and acceptance.
Unveiling Our Biases
Tristan acknowledges the profound impact that rejection has on shaping our biases and perceptions of the world. Amy highlights that many of our fears and motivations are rooted in the desire for acceptance or the fear of negative judgment, ultimately stemming from a fear of rejection.
The Journey of Self-Discovery
Amy Wong emphasizes the processes of self-reflection and introspection. She explains that discovering who we are begins with acknowledging the moments when we realize we are not happy being ourselves. It's a realization that we are often more content being who others want us to be. Amy views this as an opportunity to work through these perceptions and explore our true selves.
The Three Parts of Living On Purpose
Tristan and Amy discuss the structure of her book and the three essential parts that guide readers on their journey to fulfillment and joy. Amy explains that her roadmap is based on years of coaching conversations and a deep understanding of universal themes that hold us back from experiencing innate joy. The three parts of her process involve fundamental perceptual shifts about life, shifts in self-regard, and a transformation in how we think about beliefs and self-navigation.
Making Deliberate Choices
Tristan expresses his appreciation for the logical and understandable flow of the book's chapters. Amy elaborates on her approach, drawing on her background in mathematics. She highlights the need to break down the process into manageable steps and present the information in a concise yet comprehensive manner. Amy's aim is to empower readers to make deliberate choices in their lives and uncover true fulfillment and joy.
Intolerant of Feeling Crappy
Tristan and Amy delve into one of their favorite chapters from the book, titled "Be Intolerant of Feeling Crappy." They discuss the significance of acknowledging and rejecting feelings of negativity and dissatisfaction. Amy emphasizes that we often focus on external goals and achievements, neglecting to consider how we want to feel. By shifting our focus to our desired feelings and consciously choosing not to accept feeling "crappy," we can create a life filled with meaning and joy.
Re-evaluating Our Desired Feelings
Tristan questions whether the feelings we strive for in adulthood are rooted in childhood experiences of acceptance and safety. Amy acknowledges the primal drive to feel safe, accepted, and seen by others, asserting that there's nothing wrong with desiring these emotions. She encourages individuals to explore their desired feelings further and delve deeper into their personal understanding of fulfillment and joy.
Harnessing Awareness through Mindfulness
Amy highlights the practice of mindfulness as a crucial element in personal growth. She explains that mindfulness is the ability to be fully present and aware in the moment, without judgment or attachment to thoughts or narratives. Amy shares her passion for mindfulness meditation and its role in strengthening awareness. She reveals that mindfulness is the royal road to thriving, enabling individuals to respond consciously rather than react impulsively in their daily interactions.
The Connection Between Mindfulness and Effective Communication
Tristan expressed curiosity about the relationship between mindfulness and effective communication. Amy elaborated on her expertise in communication and conversational intelligence. She explained that being conversationally intelligent involves connecting, growing, and navigating relationships through effective communication. Mindfulness serves as the foundation for developing conversational intelligence, as it enhances self-awareness and enables individuals to respond thoughtfully and authentically in their conversations.
Morning Routines and Self-Care
Tristan inquired about Amy's personal habits and routines that contribute to her intentional mindset. Amy shared her love for morning routines and described her own daily practices. She emphasized the importance of dedicating time to self-study, mindfulness meditation, and physical exercise. Amy's morning routine enables her to start the day with intention, setting the stage for self-care and purposeful living.
Embracing Failures and Adversities for Growth
Tristan reflected on Amy's earlier mention of embracing failures and the journey of self-discovery. Amy emphasized the importance of accepting failures and adversities as part of the human experience. By reframing setbacks as purposeful lessons, individuals can shift their relationship with reality and unlock their inner resources. This shift frees up energy to channel into creative endeavors, innovation, and meaningful connections.
The Key to Thriving: Awareness and Mindfulness
Amy shared her perspective on what is essential for thriving. At their core, she believes that awareness and mindfulness are foundational. Being in the driver's seat of your life requires harnessing choice, and that can only happen when you are awake and aware. Amy stressed the importance of being present, making intentional choices, and embracing the power of conscious response over reactive behavior.
Embracing Life's Challenges - The Yoda-esque Philosophy
Tristan and Amy start by discussing a Yoda-esque philosophy that emphasizes the importance of action over mere intention. Amy explains that life presents us with choices: we either do something or we don't. She emphasizes that there is no "should" or uncertainty—things either happen or they don't. Accepting this reality allows us to navigate life's ups and downs more effectively.
The Unpredictability of Life
Amy acknowledges that it can be difficult to accept the challenging experiences we encounter, especially when they seem undesirable or painful. She states that nobody has all the answers, and it's impossible to fully understand why certain events occur. However, she reminds us that unexpected and unwanted situations are an inherent part of human existence. Life encompasses pleasure and pain, joy and suffering. We must recognize that setbacks and adversity are inevitable.
Cultivating Gifts from Adversity
Amy explains that everyone will experience trauma, failure, loss, and tragedy in their lives. However, the key lies in how we relate to these experiences. She introduces a tool that encourages reflection on past hardships and finding meaning in them. By recognizing the potential gifts that emerge from difficult situations, we can view them as purposeful events leading to personal growth and development.
Thriving and Self-Acceptance - Embracing Wholeness and Completeness
Amy highlights the importance of understanding our inherent worthiness and completeness. She reminds us that we were born whole and complete, even before experiencing the challenges and comparisons that shape our self-perception. Acknowledging our intrinsic value allows us to reconnect with our authentic selves and reject the belief that we are not good enough.
Knowing Your Worth
Amy distinguishes between belief and knowing when it comes to our self-worth. While belief can be subjective and prone to fluctuations, knowing our worth brings a sense of certainty and stability. By developing a deep understanding of our inherent worthiness, we free ourselves from the need for external validation and comparisons. This understanding allows us to live authentically and embrace our unique path.
Letting Go of Comparison
Tristan raises the topic of comparison and its impact on our well-being. Amy emphasizes that everyone is silently struggling in their own way, even those who appear to have it all figured out. Comparing ourselves to others' facades only leads to resistance and self-doubt. Instead, she suggests finding inspiration in others' journeys, appreciating their uniqueness, and nurturing a sense of curiosity and compassion towards them.
Amy's insights on living on purpose provide a roadmap for navigating life's challenges and thriving in the face of adversity. By adopting a positive mindset, embracing life's unpredictability, and cultivating self-acceptance, we can lead fulfilling and purpose-driven lives. Remember that it's not about always being on purpose but rather developing the tools and mindset to live intentionally.
To learn more about Amy Eliza Wong and her teachings, visit her website, "Always on Purpose," or connect with her on LinkedIn. Amy's book, "Living on Purpose," is available on a number of websites, including Barnes & Noble and Amazon. It includes an audiobook that Amy herself narrates. Embrace the journey of living on purpose and discover the transformative power it holds.
About Amy Wong
Amy Eliza Wong is a renowned transformational coach, keynote speaker, and founder of Always on Purpose®. With over a decade of experience, she empowers professionals, leaders, and teams to achieve personal and professional goals. Amy's expertise lies in overcoming barriers, building trust, using Conversational Intelligence®, and authentic leadership. She has collaborated with notable organizations such as Airbnb, Roku, Dropbox, LinkedIn, and Facebook. Amy's coaching and consulting services are in high demand among CEOs and founders all over the world. She is also a certified Conversational Intelligence® coach and teaches at Stanford University and UC Berkeley. Passionate about empowering individuals, she conducts women's empowerment retreats and inspires others to awaken their power and joy.
DISCLAIMER: The people interviewed are well-trained experts and highly skilled in their areas of practice. They take many safety precautions prior to attempting the activities described. The activities or research discussed in these podcasts should not be attempted without qualified supervision and training with professionals.